We’re all a little messy
So if what you were expecting from me was anger
Or judgement
Then I’m sorry to disappoint.

I understand.
Sometimes, I understand even when I wish I didn’t.
Sometimes, when I should be angry,
I understand anyway.

The only thing harder than being in love
Is falling out of it.

as somebody with an almost permanent
“Under construction” sign on her chest
I understand.

So I’m sorry if you were expecting
retribution
If you wanted me to yell
Or tell you to loose my number
And instead all you got

were kind wishes.

The stronger you are on your own two feet

The harder you are to knock over

So keep working on strengthening your roots

And worry about the flowers later.

I’ve spent my life feeling like we keep missing each-other.
Like I was always a phase ahead of you
Or behind you.

Like we were always together, but never quite in the same place.
Like I kept saying
“look, stand right here and look, the view is beautiful”
But you kept missing it

I didn’t think that we’d ever finally coincide
In the same spot
and now it feels like we are
And I’m not sure how long we have
I’m not even sure if we really are where I think we are

But I’m not worried
I’m just enjoying this
Enjoying you and me
While we’re still together.

From green lightning and bits of heartbreak/
From stormy nights and almost car crashes/
From words exchanged with strangers and screams exchanged with lovers

I was Made from scratches on my back
and scrapes on my knees/
From Lyrics to a song and late night meals at Wendy’s

Made of basement tattoos
And crushes that never flourished

I was made from books I hated
and Discussions about the universe over drinks

from tears I’ve cried, over apologies
I meant, and some I didn’t.

When I was born, I came like a crisp sheet of paper
Without any permanent fingerprints on my story.

In my first college writing class I learned to crumble paper before writing
so that it would seem less intimidating to start.

I created myself
By continuing to crumble

And then I wrote.

There’s snow on the ground.

it was July last time you tasted me.

But all of a sudden,

You care if my lips are chapped.

All of a sudden you care if I’m being kept warm by somebody better.

All of a sudden

You miss me?

 

It’s like we’re afraid to draw in pen because it can’t be erased and then soon we’re scared to draw at all. Living a life in which we’re so afraid of not being perfect that we end up not living.

At some point you reach the bottom

And It’s never quite how everyone said it would be.

I didn’t find myself suddenly drowning

so much as sitting at the edge

grazing the water with my fingertips

Contemplating.

and that was much worse

because

I didn’t fall in,

I chose to jump.

If you find yourself wondering if she thinks of you too.

If you’re wondering if you were as special to her as she was to you.

It’s okay to think that you probably weren’t, and that she replaced you the very next night

Just remembered that it had nothing to do with you.

It wasn’t because you weren’t memorable.

She just wasn’t there yet.

She wasn’t at the point in her story that allowed her to love you the way you needed.

And she just might never be.

stop blaming yourself.

I met a girl today. She’s an artist. She has paint under her nails and on her shirt. her art is beautiful. she didn’t show me it but I could see it in her eyes.

She told me I’d make a great model and all I could think was “boy, the the stories I could write about you.”

How do you deal with something being cold
And barely there
When it used to envelop you
in fire.