I was born into chaos.

Birth isn’t a steadying experience, it’s a mess of screaming and tears. Mine, my mom’s, maybe even my dad’s because he really wanted a boy.

Same as I was born into chaos, I was raised by it. People say ‘I was born and raised here’ and I wonder how that feels. Chaos has always been my friend. So now, when something feels too steady, I rock it. I really wish I didn’t.

I wonder how it feels to enjoy the calm. I just keep seeking out the storm. Storms like way too much whiskey, and the fact that I haven’t had sober sex in maybe a year. Storms like why ‘does emotional intimacy feel like opening a door during a tornado?’