Is it a good thing or a bad thing to watch so many shows with people who show up at doors in the snow to confess their love for another

I know that good vs. bad is relative

But is it bad? To crave the story

The one where I’m somewhere in Spain sitting outside a coffee shop

Or in Ireland bringing the best pint to my lips

But I think of you and yours

I think of you and yours

And I’m filled with cliches

Is it good? That everything I feel I feel strongly

It gives room for fine writing

It allows exposed guts and feelings on paper at 5:13 a.m.

strong feelings that sometimes don’t even have an owner or a purpose

they just exist inside me floating like a lonely balloon

Hoping to find something worth tying it’s string to

Perhaps it’s bad

Perhaps I need some grounding

When I’m laying with a person who doesn’t love me and barely knows me

And she says I’m too soft, with a mocking  smile

And I let her

I don’t fight her, i don’t tell her being kind is hard fucking work

instead I try to be tougher

What a foolish thing to do to be any less myself

But is it bad? That I’m craving that knock on my door

A door I don’t even have because I’ve been couch surfing, avoiding decisions

Waiting for something that probably won’t come and if it did I wouldn’t know it

because I have no idea what it looks like.